Poem: 'In Praise Of False Madonna's'

IN PRAISE OF 

FALSE MADONNA’S 

Dear Claire Rayner
am I normal?

I find myself in a constant
state of involuntary erection,
it causes acute embarrassment and
spoils the lines of my Designer Jeans

things that trigger this arousal include
girls who don’t wear bra’s
and girls who do,
girls who leave lipstick rings
around the base of cigarettes…

I’m affected by the
shape of tall buildings,
and by the throb and tremble
of Toyota exhausts,
I love the way sodium streetlights
turn the world to pale flesh

Dear Claire, am I normal?

I stand on the ripples on concrete to
watch Maestro’s and Fiat’s slide
smoothly into the Leeds Urban Underpass
I get horny for
in-store promotional videos
for tights and shower fittings,
I’m 50, wretched and desperate,
I’m looking for Poetry Groupies,
Woman is an alien species

help me Claire, am I normal?

I’m aroused by Thatcher’s speeches
when her lips almost brush
the tip of the microphone,
I love Reader’s Wives,
the TV QUICK Problem Page,
the smell of burning rubber,
inoculations with shiny needles,
computer schematics of pistons in motion,
The Spice Girls, exploding Mill chimneys,
Medical Journals, Nuns,
missile launches and Mo Mowlam

Lily Savage makes me impotent

Am I normal?

                            - Dandy Arlington (Mr)



Published in:
‘YOUR FRIENDLY FASCIST no.24’ (Australia - Sept 1985)
‘A DOCTOR’S DILEMMA no.2’ (UK - March 1987)
‘CHARNEL HOUSE No.2: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL’ (UK - Nov 1998)
and on:
‘NINETY-NINETY: NEW HOPE INTERNATIONAL: C60 Compilation’
(UK Cassette - May 1990)