COUNTDOWN TO THE
NINETEEN-HOUR
ASSASSINATION OF
DAVID CAMERON
On the 19th hour…
David Cameron sells off what’s left of the BBC
David Cameron sells off what’s left of the BBC
to a scrap-dealer in Oildrum Lane who melts it down
& recasts it into a million miniature commemorative figurines
of Margaret Thatcher with a Hitler moustache
On the 18th hour…
David Cameron dissolves Parliament &
compels all MP’s to re-stand through ‘X-Factor’
On the 17th hour…
David Cameron deletes the word ‘Socialism’
of Margaret Thatcher with a Hitler moustache
On the 18th hour…
David Cameron dissolves Parliament &
compels all MP’s to re-stand through ‘X-Factor’
On the 17th hour…
David Cameron deletes the word ‘Socialism’
from Dictionaries and Wikipedia.
The Labour Party protest they already did this
during their last period in government
On the 16th hour…
David Cameron censors books, TV & MP3’s by banning
the ‘F’-word (fairness) & the ‘C’-word (compassion)
On the 15th hour…
David Cameron combines the Conservative Party Conference
On the 16th hour…
David Cameron censors books, TV & MP3’s by banning
the ‘F’-word (fairness) & the ‘C’-word (compassion)
On the 15th hour…
David Cameron combines the Conservative Party Conference
with the Glastonbury Festival where 64 moderate MP’s are
found dead on portaloos. Cameron claims there’s no conspiracy.
Morrissey says 64 MP’s is not enough & nothing compared
to the atrocity committed in abattoirs every day.
He becomes a national hero
On the 14th hour…
David Cameron bans burkas as an affront to women,
bans low-slung pants that show the arse-crack
On the 14th hour…
David Cameron bans burkas as an affront to women,
bans low-slung pants that show the arse-crack
as an affront to decency,
bans tattoos and facial piercing as an affront to taste,
bans hoodies as an affront to law & order,
& bans JLS as an affront to music
On the 13th hour…
David Cameron rests,
looks at all he’s done & pronounces it good
On the 12th hour…
David Cameron introduces the public flogging of
bans tattoos and facial piercing as an affront to taste,
bans hoodies as an affront to law & order,
& bans JLS as an affront to music
On the 13th hour…
David Cameron rests,
looks at all he’s done & pronounces it good
On the 12th hour…
David Cameron introduces the public flogging of
welfare scroungers televised live during the Lottery-show,
& available for catch-up viewing on YouTube
On the 11th hour…
David Cameron legalises fox-hunting,
also the hunting with hounds of the undeserving poor,
single teenage Mums & asylum-seekers
On the 10th hour…
David Cameron withdraws Britain from the EU
& declares it the 53rd State of the USA
On the 9th hour…
David Cameron releases all schools from local &
& available for catch-up viewing on YouTube
On the 11th hour…
David Cameron legalises fox-hunting,
also the hunting with hounds of the undeserving poor,
single teenage Mums & asylum-seekers
On the 10th hour…
David Cameron withdraws Britain from the EU
& declares it the 53rd State of the USA
On the 9th hour…
David Cameron releases all schools from local &
national government control, while making it
compulsory to teach ‘Intelligent Design’, ‘Creationism’,
the myth of Global Warming, & sexual abstinence
the myth of Global Warming, & sexual abstinence
before (during & after) marriage
On the 8th hour…
David Cameron appoints Simon Cowell Minister of Culture,
Spongebob Squarepants as First Sea Lord,
On the 8th hour…
David Cameron appoints Simon Cowell Minister of Culture,
Spongebob Squarepants as First Sea Lord,
Tony Blair as Archbishop of Canterbury,
Peter Sutcliffe as Minister for Population Control,
Peter Sutcliffe as Minister for Population Control,
Wayne Rooney as Education Minister
& puts Nick Griffin in charge of social diversity
& puts Nick Griffin in charge of social diversity
and community cohesion
On the 7th hour…
David Cameron re-launches royalty as a pre-bookable option,
terms include a 20-minute coronation, trooping the colour,
changing of the guard, & waving from the balcony.
All major credit cards accepted.
The Windsors (nee Saxe-Coburgs) seek asylum in Saudi Arabia.
The first 18-years of monarchy are immediately block-booked
by Japanese, Russian, Iranian, Texan & Indian interests
On the 6th hour…
David Cameron replaces Pounds Sterling with KFC,
Macdonald & Starbucks tokens, then makes the Bank of England
a wholly-owned subsidiary of Disney Corp
On the 5th hour…
David Cameron declares he’s saved the NHS
by transferring all UK Passport-holder medical needs
to the voluntary sector so releasing hospitals
On the 7th hour…
David Cameron re-launches royalty as a pre-bookable option,
terms include a 20-minute coronation, trooping the colour,
changing of the guard, & waving from the balcony.
All major credit cards accepted.
The Windsors (nee Saxe-Coburgs) seek asylum in Saudi Arabia.
The first 18-years of monarchy are immediately block-booked
by Japanese, Russian, Iranian, Texan & Indian interests
On the 6th hour…
David Cameron replaces Pounds Sterling with KFC,
Macdonald & Starbucks tokens, then makes the Bank of England
a wholly-owned subsidiary of Disney Corp
On the 5th hour…
David Cameron declares he’s saved the NHS
by transferring all UK Passport-holder medical needs
to the voluntary sector so releasing hospitals
to fee-paying foreign clients
On the 4th hour…
during Question Time, David Cameron rams his arm up
On the 4th hour…
during Question Time, David Cameron rams his arm up
Vince Cable’s ass, raises him into the air, &,
brandishing him like a grotesque trophy,
screams ‘it’s a puppet, it’s a puppet’
On the 3rd hour…
David Cameron legalises gay marriage
& marries Nick Clegg in a final desperate attempt
to hold the coalition together
On the 2nd hour…
David Cameron sells what’s left of Britain to foreign oligarchs
& conglomerates on a buy-one-get-one-free basis
On the final hour…
with no hope, & nothing left to lose
….BANG!!!
screams ‘it’s a puppet, it’s a puppet’
On the 3rd hour…
David Cameron legalises gay marriage
& marries Nick Clegg in a final desperate attempt
to hold the coalition together
On the 2nd hour…
David Cameron sells what’s left of Britain to foreign oligarchs
& conglomerates on a buy-one-get-one-free basis
On the final hour…
with no hope, & nothing left to lose
….BANG!!!
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